I want to remind myself how blessed I am and that I am very lucky because pregnancy has been a very hard journey that no one could have prepared me for. Some women will tell you that being pregnant is the best experience ever. This is generally not true for most women. Although it is a great blessing to be pregnant, it isn't easy. Between feeling sick to your stomach and tired all the time, pregnancy insomnia, the changing hormones, and the change of your body appearance (not for the better), it is all quite the adjustment.
Right now I am feeling the feelings that every pregnant woman goes through. I am feeling very fat and unattractive. Thanks to pregnancy hormones you tend to break out a lot, your hair goes limp, and you get fat everywhere! Even your earlobes start to look fat! I know this will pass and that this a normal part of pregnancy. It just isn't very easy on a woman's self esteem, especially living in a society so focused on beauty.
Because I have been feeling this way, I have spent the last two days looking at blogs and you tube video's on how to do hair and makeup in order to try and find some way to feel beautiful again. For some reason just watching these have helped me to feel better. I feel like at least I have a few ideas on how to spruce up my appearance and make myself feel prettier. I can't control all the things that are happening to my body, but at least I can use a little makeup and hair gel to make the canvas I have been given right now to look a little nicer. It makes me feel like I have control over something.
I have also recommitted myself to eating healthier and watching my intake. They tell you that you need only 300 extra calories a day when you are pregnant. That is a basically 1 cookie or 1 slice of pizza. I can't control that fact that I am going to gain weight because that is a natural part of pregnancy, but I can control what I put in my body and minimize the damage. I want to give my baby healthier more nutrient dense food to help him develop better anyway. So by trying to eat healthy and nutritious, eat several small meals a day, and make sure I am only eating what my body needs this will help me and the baby to be happier and healthier. It will also make the post pregnancy recovery and weight loss a lot easier.
I also want to exercise as much as my body will allow. I plan to swim 2-3 times a week with my triathlon group and do water aerobics and yoga on the other days. I realize that due to all the energy that it takes to create another life this will not always be possible. Pregnancy fatigue makes regular exercise difficult. So If I make it to the pool a couple of times a week and make it to 1 yoga class I will be happy. But my goal will be to exercise every day. I know if I make this a goal, I will at least make it to the gym a 3 times a week. It worked this week anyway, and I felt so much better.
Although pregnancy creates feelings of unattractiveness, just blogging and making a plan about the things I can control makes me feel better. Although the challenges of being pregnant have been hard, they are teaching me how to overcome adversity and look for the positive things I can do. Not to mention, I get a sweet little baby boy out of all of this in the end.