Friday, May 22, 2009

The Chronicles of Baelzebub....

Working in the rehab department of a skilled nursing facility has it's funny moments. Last Thursday, I saw one of the physical therapists (Jeff) talking to this sweet looking 85 year old patient, while she was painting a picture. He asked her "Aren't you going to sign your masterpiece?" She replied "What should I sign it?" He responded "How about Cruela, or Baelzebub, or if you want to use symbols, how about a pitch fork?" I just started laughing to myself, and thought "She couldn't really be that honory." I looked over two minutes later, and she was painting a red pitchfork at the bottom of her picture.

The next day I was running a cooking group with a few of my patients, and this sweet patient we now fondly refer to as "Baelzebub" was ordering everyone around. She told me to put a plastic bag around the sugar before I put it away, because she thought it was leaking. I told her it wasn't leaking, and proceeded to put the sugar away. She then yelled "It's a good thing your not in my kitchen. I'm going to come over there and beat the shit out of you!" I was kind of suprised, and taken back. I then started laughing really hard, because this sweet looking grandma hunched over in her wheelchair had just threatened to "beat the shit out of me." I was not the only one laughing.

When I asked her to stir the brownies, she barked "Go get me a spatula!" I said "There is one in the bowl." She shouted "That's not a spatula, that's a spoon. Are you deaf? Go get me a spatula, and hurry up!" I told her rather indignently she could just stir it with her pitchfork. She just looked at me. So I opened the kitchen drawer and handed her the spatula. As soon as I handed it to her, she said "It's about time you got over here!" All the other patient's started laughing. She then started to order around one of the physical therapists walking by. She handed him a bowl, and told him to go wash it. He told her he wasn't even a part of the cooking group. she said "I don't care, just do it! " Chelsea told "Baelzebub" to stop being so bossy and mean. Then Jeff (her PT) said while laughing "She can't help it. She has to be bossy. It is hard running that kingdom of fire and brimstone!" she responded "Yeah it is! I need a forked tongue the way these guys are monkeying around." I couldn't stop laughing after that. I thought Jeff was exaggerating about how honory she was, but he wasn't kidding!

Later that day, Jeff was working with her and put a hot pack on her shoulder in preparation for stretching. She started complaining that she didn't want heat, so Jeff told her "I'm just trying to simulate your home environment." She laughed and said in her crackly little old lady voice "Oh ok." I tried to hold back the laughter. A few minutes later he asked her to throw the Nerf ball with him. She firmly said "No!" Jeff asked her "why not? We need to do this." She said "I don't care! I think your full of shit!" All the patients and staff around started laughing. Jeff then said "come on, just do it." She said again "No, You're full of shit!" More laughter erupted. He threw the ball at her, and she wouldn't catch it. She let it hit the ground and just kicked it back at him. I saw this go on for a couple of minutes. Finally he ended up taking her back to her room.
Since then, I have seen them banter on like this in other therapy sessions. I must say, I am always amused when she is down in the gym. It is moments like these that make life entertaining. The staff members are still teasing me about being threatened by a 85 year old lady in a wheelchair. I can't wait to see what happens next week.


Dave and Becka said...

I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Thank you so much for sharing.

I had to go get Dave and read it to him. She sounds like quite a character.

Kristen and Erik Cambridge said...

I am glad you enjoyed it. I laugh every time I think about it. I figured It has made me laugh so much, and still does, that I might as well share it. She is the funniest old lady I have ever met.

Cory&SadieK said...

Kristen-that's hilarious!!! What a funny old lady-I bet she's fun to have around. And I must say that I'm so happy that you are having so much more fun at your job. I bet you are super glad that you stuck it out.